When I was 19 years old, time really had zero meaning to me. Sure I was a freshman in college, but I really didn’t have this concept of time passing and memories and people long gone. For those of you who are loyal readers, and those of you who actively read my columns, even if they are rare, will note that when I was 19 years old my dad passed away.
Five years ago I wrote a column about the five years since we lost dad and this week I’m reflecting, very heavily, on the now decade since we’ve lost him.
On March 28, 2010, dad passed away at around 3 a.m. with my mom, my sisters and me by his side — he was 72. The 10 year anniversary of his death is now days away and I can only reflect on how different life has been these past 10 years, compared to the last 19.
When I was growing up, there were always moments I pictured in my head that had both of my parents by my side, or at least a phone call away. Since he died, a lot of those moments I’ve only had one parent, and of course two sisters. For example, I’ve graduated college, bought multiple cars, received a major promotion and bought a house. Naturally, I assumed my dad would be there at my college graduation, after all he was there on move in day. However, that sadly was not the case.
As many readers recall, I recently bought a house, and oh-boy do I wish he were around. Now, I can almost picture in my head what it would have been like — which I’m sure a sister or two would disagree. But, the scenario in my head goes something like this:
Me: So, I’m at this house, and I’m really liking it, it has three bedrooms, one bathroom.
Dad: What is the exact square footage?
Me: Um, let me ask…
Dad: Make sure you know where the water heater is, and the condition of the air unit.
Me: Okay, I’ll ask.
Dad: You also need to find out about insurance and your mortgage payments. How is the condition of the roof, and the foundation?
Me: Ahhh, well um.
Dad: You need to do an inspection immediately.
Me: Do I really need to do that?
Dad: Do you want to be caught off guard down the road due to an issue because you didn’t do it?
Me: I mean, no…
Okay, you get the idea.
Of course, it isn’t just me who is missing out in those special — albeit it slightly frustrating — “Dad Moments.” My sisters have both purchased homes in the last 10 years, one sister has gone through it twice now. I’ve had a niece and a nephew born — neither of whom will get to meet him, but hopefully hear stories. My eldest niece probably doesn’t even remember him. The list goes on, but sadly will continue to grow as the years — and I guess decades — go on.
It’s hard to think about the future, if I get married and have kids, I’ll have questions I won’t get his answers to.
The anniversary of Dad’s death has never been an easy one for me, I continue to hope that it will get a little easier as the years go on. However, I’m not finding it so, each year is a bit different and this year I’m finding it incredibly difficult.
This, for me, is because of two major reasons. The first, a whole decade is a long time when you really think about it, especially when you consider all the moments, and questions, that can no longer be had/asked. The second reason is the coronavirus.
Like literally everyone else, plans have to be changed.
Originally, my mom was going to come up for the weekend. That’s now canceled, along with any travel or plans I had to go along with that, due to closings. So, sadly, my goal to try and spend time with those I care about won’t be happening — thank you social distancing.
However, it is incredibly important that we are socially distant, this way I don’t lose anyone else I care about any time soon.