Reconnecting with old friends connects with better health

Almost immediately, we were back in our early 20s. Granted, our conversation was occurring via text messages, but it was the closest we had come to the three of us spending time together in more than 30 years.

I sent a group text to a couple of old friends, Kim and Bob, about the passing of a colleague we had worked on the college newspaper with. There were, of course, the obligatory but heartfelt “Oh, no!” and “Can’t believe it!” responses.

And then it sort of…devolved. Kim would make a very grown up comment and either Bob or I or both would respond with some goofy zinger just like our conversations 30 plus years ago. Kim would counter with “Now, Bob…” or “Now, Hugh,” and Bob or Hugh would add another snarky remark. And, as usual, when she would tire of trying to impart any level of couth and culture on us, she’d give us a sarcastic laugh, “Ha-ha-ha.” We knew the end had come to that moment of frivolity.

I realized I was glad we had this moment and that I wished we could do this in person.

Research says we should find time to look up old friends, for our benefit and theirs.

New research finds that reaching out to an old friend and asking what’s happening in their life can be good for your mental health — and theirs, too.

In fact, people don’t realize how much an unexpected phone call, text or email is appreciated, according to research published by the American Psychological Association.

“I think people are often very surprised to be reached out to. I think they feel touched to be thought of and not forgotten, and I think these positive feelings of surprise further amplify how appreciative they are of simply being reached out to,” said Peggy Liu, Ph.D, lead author and associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh.

Reconnecting with a friend or loved one doesn’t have to be done in person in order to reap the mental health benefits, either.

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, even electronic social interaction can lead to lower rates of loneliness and depression.

Connection, on the whole, especially authentic connection, is the antidote to loneliness and many diseases that manifest psychologically and physiologically, psychotherapist Gina Moffa, LCSW, says.

“It’s vital to our very well-being that we have authentic supportive connections in our lives. If reconnecting with an old friend brings this, it can do much good to the nervous system and overall quality of life,” Moffa added.

Rekindling friendships from different times in your life can help you reconnect with different parts of yourself. Old friends can remind you of the person you used to be and help get you in touch with parts of yourself that might have become suppressed over the years, even if that person is a goofy, not-quite-post-adolescent 20-something.

But reaching out to an old friend might feel awkward, so here are some tips from verywellmind.com.

First, reach out via social media. Use that conversation to re-nourish a friendship.

Make it a point to communicate to them that you are truly happy to reconnect. Genuine warmth can help melt away some of the awkwardness that may build up in a relationship.

Initiate conversation by bringing up a cherished memory or a funny time you shared. It will transplant you both back to that moment when you were close and help smooth over the “What are you up to now?” conversations that can sometimes be rigid.

As you chat with your friend, let them know you’re interested in what they’re sharing with you. Paying attention, asking follow-up questions, and empathizing with them can help you connect with them and get to know who they are today.

If you and your friend are able to get over the awkwardness, you can rekindle your friendship based on the times you shared together in the past as you get to know each other in the present.