Many, many, many years ago, I sat patiently on the bow of a 16-foot johnboat watching an orange bobber dance in the current of the muddy Savannah River. My buddy Bill was captain of the vessel and much more the fisherman than I.
We had put in at Johnson’s Landing and headed upstream with that little 25 horse motor pushing hard against the current. Every now and then, I’d drop the end of a paddle in the water just enough to lightly spray Bill with what some folks say was water contaminated by the bomb plant way on upstream toward Aiken.
But we weren’t worried about bad water or schoolwork or even girls…and definitely not adult problems like mortgages and taxes and such.
Nope, it was just a care free day for two teenage boys taking full advantage of it. And I kind of knew it, too. Sitting there on that bow, soaking in the sun, I thought, “No worries. No chores. No responsib…….”
And my heart froze just as if an alligator had reared its head out of the muck and began chewing the side of the boat. Out of the blue it hit me that the last thing my mom said before she left the house for her bridge club was, “Hugh, I’ve got a roast on the stove. Be sure to turn it off before you leave.”
“Bill,” I said frantically. “We’ve got to go back! I didn’t turn the stove off!”
To which, Bill replied, with his typical cavalier tone, “Bo, going back would be a waste of a good afternoon. Besides, the house is probably burned down by now.…Hey! I think I got a bite!!”
I was certain it would take a miracle to save the house from destruction. And I got a miracle in the form of my grandmother. She lived a couple of blocks away and happened to stop by just to see who was home. Noticing the stove was on and no one around, she turned it off.
That was some of the best roast I’ve ever had in my life and well offset the bitter taste of my shirked responsibility. My kids will tell you that, still today, I fuss about a stove or oven left on and unattended.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Lauren Kerwin, after respect and kindness, the most important lesson children need to learn before they leave home is responsibility. An individual with a highly developed sense of personal responsibility is more likely to succeed in school, in the workplace, and in society at large.
She says that having a sense of responsibility is a quality which shows up in every area of life. People who are responsible do what they say they’re going to do. They’re the kind of people you can count on to come through for you. You can trust them. Anyone would want them as friends, coworkers, or bosses. And of course, they’re the kind of people all parents, grandparents, and primary caregivers want to raise.
The question is, though, how do you instill a sense of responsibility in children? The experts agree that the answer is straightforward: the best place to start is at home with simple chores and household tasks, and the best time to start is early – even as early as age three.
Age appropriate jobs for kids include:
· Preschoolers: Kids age 3-5 can begin to learn responsibility by putting away their toys after they use them, putting their dirty clothes in the right place, and helping pour pet food/water in the pet bowl. Kids at this age also love to dust, even though it rarely does anything.
· Kindergarteners: Kids age 5-6 can help with cooking, setting and clearing the table, pulling weeds in the garden, watering flowers, and loading/unloading the dishwasher.
· Elementary School Age: Kids age 6-11 can do everything preschoolers can do, but with little or no supervision. In addition, they can take out the garbage and take greater responsibility in the kitchen. Elementary school kids are definitely ready to keep their rooms clean and, even if parents still feel it’s their job to do so, kids this age are ready to learn how to wash, dry, and fold their own laundry.
· Middle and High School Age: From middle school and beyond, kids are ready to do most things adults do. With the proper instruction, they’re ready for housework like cooking, laundry, vacuuming and dishes, and yard work like cutting the grass, raking leaves, and taking care of the garden.
So there are plenty of things parents can encourage for children of all ages. And with the distractions that devices put on kids, it’s as important as ever to do it.
But if it involves the stove, maybe a note on the door as a reminder would help.
Hugh Gray is the Executive Director of Westview Behavioral Health Services. He can be reached at 803-276-5690 or at hgray@westviewbehavioral.org.