Top 10 places to hide gifts from children

10. In the closets. They can never find anything there.

9. In their book bags. They never look in there.

8. Under their beds. The kids will never be able to spot a gift all that clutter.

7. In the same place you keep brooms and mops and feather dusters. Your kids do not know such a place exists.

6. Inside the Christmas ornaments box. Hey, it’s empty once the tree goes up.

5. In the garage. Nobody can find anything there if they’re looking for it.

4. On the top shelf of the freezer, with a diversion of Popsicles at kid’s eye level.

3. Under the clean towels in the linen closet. Kids not on their way to the pool don’t know anything about clean towels, and it’s too cold in December to swim.

2. In last year’s Barbie Dream House. There’s plenty of room to hide plenty of stuff there, since all the Barbie stuff is stuffed under the bed.

1. In a home safe guarded by Pinkertons…and one mean Doberman.

Top 10 Places Kids Search For Christmas Gifts

10. In the trunk of your car.

9. In your closet.

8. Under your bed.

7. At grandma’s house.

6. Behind the sofa.

5. On top of the kitchen cabinets.

4. In the “stove drawer” under the oven.

3. In ALL of your drawers.

2. In the attic.

1. In the dryer. (I don’t know why. They just like slamming the door, I think.)

Top 10 Reasons To Attend a Christmas Pageant

10. Nobody expects you to cook, once you arrive.

9. No batteries are required.

8. You can sit down almost the whole time.

7. The directions are simple and in easy-to-understand English.

6. Applause is one thing kids like that comes fairly cheap.

5. Sometimes you get a free candle.

4. You can enjoy a tree that you won’t have to take down.

3. The music makes you feel good.

2. You have the chance to sing “Joy To the World” only so many times a year.

1. Hey, it’s not your job to vacuum the glitter that falls off the angel wings.

Top 10 Reasons to Bake Christmas Cookies

10. If not to bake cookies, why did you buy all those reindeer cookie cutters?

9. You can eat all the headless snowmen.

8. After 10 years, you still haven’t finished that box of red-hots you use for Santa’s nose.

7. If you don’t bake cookies yourself, you won’t have the chance to eat the dough.

6. Baking cookies may be the only opportunity you have to explain to your children how the oven works.

5. When you bake cookies, it makes such a mess in the kitchen that no one expects you to cook dinner.

4. If you don’t bake cookies, you’ll have to buy gifts for the kids in your carpool.

3. You can serve cookies on a napkin instead of a plate…and save your plates for stickies.

2. The dog will lick up the crumbs of cookies, but not of fruitcake.

1. If the kids weren’t fighting over who will paint the angel’s halo, they’d just be fighting about something else.